When did I realize I was becoming an old person? It’s hard to say for sure.
I developed a penchant for sensible footwear several years ago when young people wore Tevas and Merrells. I only recently discovered those are the shoes of old people, when my mother-in-law was wearing a pair of clogs similar to my own and I complimented her on how hip she looked. It was then that I was struck by the realization that she wasn’t as “hip” as I was completely “unhip”.
Since then, I’ve noticed other odd things, like my personal struggle to stay awake until the sun goes down. And never mind watching prime-time TV; I don’t know why they have to broadcast the good shows in the middle of the night, anyway. And if not for my afternoon naps, I fear I’d go to sleep before Little G gets home from school. Is this normal for someone who has yet to hit the big 4-0??
Compounding these fears is the fact that I bought a large part of my Christmas gifts from the drug store. With dancing/singing penguins and cold-medicine and work gloves and Chia Pets all under one roof, I really don’t see the need to go to the crowded mall, do you? The only crowded place I can stand nowadays is the Olive Garden, where you can take home leftovers and feed yourself for days. I even ask for extras of those delicious little mints they give you…oh wait, this is making me sound old again, right?
With the recent cold snap, I have to double-up on socks and undies and layer a good three quarters of the clothes and coats in my closet just to go to the grocery store. Inevitably, I see a young person there in a t-shirt, mini-skirt and Uggs. It’s like the only cold thing on these girls is their feet.
Oh, and speaking of aging, M (who finally fixed my bathroom lighting) removed a bulb a couple of weeks ago. Apparently he saw dimming the lights as a legitimate way to ease my inner conflict about whether or not to inject poison to my face. (I have always planned on growing old gracefully; I’m just not ready to do it yet.) Amazingly, he was right. When not under a spotlight, I look much younger. Although I should give much credit to my facialist, whom I have on speed dial (if there were such a thing anymore).
I hope this old person phase passes quickly. I am not prepared to spend the remainder of my life sitting in rockers outside Cracker Barrell and tucking sugar packs in my pocket book to add in my Sanka.
Update: I broke down and went to the mall today. Ladies, are we not wearing Christmas sweaters anymore, or are y’all just behind the times???
