I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – uncomfortable shoes are the best money-savers out there. The key is to wear shoes that aren’t even remotely tolerable when you do your shopping. You are guaranteed to get what you need and get out of the stores. Today I wore 2-inch heels (which I know are considered “low” to some of you but anything above a standard flip-flop is “high” to me) to Target, and I seriously considered taking my shoes off at the back of the store and walking barefoot back to my car. If you are one quarter as obsessive-compulsive as I am, you understand what a rock-and-hard-place situation I was in. Instead I opted to be brave and, sobbing quietly to myself, I hobbled out to the parking lot.
Money spent: $0.00!
See, I didn’t necessarily have a shopping list. It was more an idea in my head of what I intended to browse. For one, I need athletic gear for the Susan G. Komen 3-Day Walk in October, and you know I don’t like to wait until the last minute on these types of things. So never mind that I’m not even a quarter of the way to the minimum donation goal to be able to participate, I say we get the wardrobe in place and everything else will follow. (Often times, M doesn’t agree with my strategy, since I’m constantly working on my various clothing collections and I don’t seem to be any closer to living on a ranch or hiking Machu Picchu or attending a State Dinner than I was before I got something to wear for all these things. But I have to keep in mind that he just lives to make me miserable, so I keep my head up and continue shopping.) I also need new towels for the powder room, but the bathroom section is pretty far from the athletic stuff, so I didn’t quite make it over there. And I needed some groceries for lunch and dinner for the next couple of days, but the food section was way over in the opposite corner of the Target and I just couldn’t see myself crawling up the aisles to get there, since I was wearing a skirt and my knees would have gotten filthy and people would think I was doing God-knows-what, so I chose instead to come home and have 3 leftover chocolate cupcakes for lunch. (I have no idea what we’ll scrape up for dinner; do fish sticks and oatmeal go together?)
So I have proven myself incorrect in theorizing it is impossible to get out of Target for less than $100. All you have to do is put on your hooker shoes before going in and you’ll be in so much pain you won’t even want to browse the 75% off racks. Trust me. Now, for you ladies (and hookers) who wear hooker shoes on a daily basis, I have an idea for y’all too. You should consider wearing fins and walking backward to shop. I think that would probably get pretty annoying after a while, too.
I just love serving my public.
