sex

We all know I like to do a good deed each day, and today it is for you, dear reader. I will share with you the sure-fire way to save money when you’re out shopping. Are you ready for it? UNCOMFORTABLE SHOES. And there you have it. Today I had lunch with an ex-coworker, so I had to be especially cute so he would go back and tell everyone who still works at that crummy place that I am actually pretty attractive when my soul is not being sucked by Corporate America. So anyway, I put on my hooker boots, the stilettos. (I heard these referred to as “valet parking shoes” since you can’t walk across the parking lot in them). I thought I was looking pretty cute and had planned on doing some shopping afterward. But since my toes felt like they’d been through a blender, it was all I could do to hobble to my car. I couldn’t even go to Target today – it was that bad!
Back in our single days, all of us knew the trick to not sleeping with a guy was to wear tatty underwear (so even if you decided to throw caution to the wind in the heat of the moment, you wouldn’t be able to since you’d die 3 times before letting him see you in those nasty old things). Unfortunately for me, sex is the one area where I took my mother’s advice (as in, “don’t do it. period.”) If you didn’t have a diamond or the promise of one coming, well neither were you (if you know what I mean) (and I think you do, you old tart). So I am now a recovering prude, but it isn’t any fun because I’m married now. M said he’d give me permission to sleep with someone else if I really wanted to, but I think that kind of takes the shine off of it.
Where was I? Oh yes, saving money. So unless your ego is so low as to allow yourself to ride around on one of those Lil Rascals, you won’t be spending money if you wear your uncomfortable shoes. You’re welcome.

DANGER: This trick doesn’t work on shoe shopping because you might be inclined to purchase more comfortable shoes!!!