resolution

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Y’all know how I feel about exercise. I generally find it to be evil. But I will occasionally do something for a good cause, so I’ve agreed to participate in the 60 mile Susan G. Komen 3-Day Walk for the [breast cancer] Cure this October. Yes, that’s right. 60 miles.
It all goes back to those super-fans I met at Jennifer Lancaster’s book signing. One of them invited me to walk with her team. Sure, she probably only asked because knew she I’d say no. But I guess I taught her a lesson, because I accepted. So now I will be walking with the Highbeams for 20 miles a day, and I’ll be sharing a 2-man tent with Lord-knows-who at night. (But I’m pretty sure this will be a bunch of do-gooders, so how bad can she be?)
I received my training schedule yesterday, and I’m supposed to walk 3 miles each day this week. I went out and bought a pedometer, but unfortunately it came in a childproof package and I wasn’t able to get the damn thing out until M got home. By that time it was too late to start walking, as I had already wasted all of my energy on impossible plastic and the cursing of it.
But I’m ready to go for tomorrow. M measured my walking stride and entered my goal in the pedometer. Three miles shouldn’t be a problem; I’m pretty sure I walk farther than that doing my daily shopping. (I should mention that I don’t consider walking exercise if I’m in a mall. If they’d put some shoes on sale at the end of the 60 miles, I could probably complete the walk in a day and a half.)
The good news is that I see new pink exercise gear in my future. Oh, also, I hope to raise $2300 in an effort to end breast cancer. If you want to contribute, let me know and I’ll send you my link. Let’s help our moms, aunts, sisters, daughters, nieces, and friends to get and stay healthy!
Cancer sucks. Boobies are awesome.

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Show your Mother some love! Earth Day is April 22. In honor of this event, I plan to re-use & recycle. I will be knitting a sweater from my dryer lint. Husband M is in on the action – he’s outside right now chopping down a tree to make me a spinning wheel. You’re welcome, Earth.

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The good news is that I survived the stomach bug from hell. What a nightmare. I think I may have offended M when I said I may have food poisoning, since he’s the one who cooked the evil burritos from the previous night. I am not sorry I said it, as it just makes us even from Sunday, when he asked me in all seriousness if I remembered how to work the treadmill. Like I would ask him if I didn’t. I would sooner Google the shit out of it until I found the answer. But really, pressing “Power”, “Start”, and “Stop” isn’t really that difficult to figure out.
So last night he told me my stomach illness was most likely due to the fact that I “eat like crap” and it finally caught up with me. Good God. He’s watched one episode of Jamie Oliver’s “Food Revolution” and all of a sudden he’s a nutritionist. (Although I do have some recollection of a certain New Year’s resolution…)
I would say that his reaction is similar to my own, when I’ve self-diagnosed every symptom I’ve ever had. If I had half the conditions I’ve declared myself to suffer from, I’d have been dead years ago. I’ve been to the doctor for gall bladder problems, Parkinson’s disease, cancer tumors, etc. to the point where my doctor asks me what I have before he looks into the problem. (I’ve never been correct – damn the internet.) But I’m not nearly as annoying as a person who tells others they eat like crap. The nerve! I thank God every day that I’m not afflicted with this Know-It-All condition, as those who have that problem are really irritating to those of us who pretty much already know everything.

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Sunday was an emotional roller coaster. I started out in my favorite fashion – lazy. Then I read http://reconstructingthirty.com (see blogroll b/c the link isn’t working in this post) and got motivated to register for a 5k at the end of April. Damn that Chad and his perkiness about getting in shape. But really, my treadmill has been taunting me for months now; I can actually hear its evil little laugh when I lie on the couch two rooms away.
Running isn’t altogether new for me – I used to get up and run before work every morning. So I hopped on the treadmill and I can’t nail down what was more depressing – the fact that I was a sweaty, huffing & puffing mess within minutes, or that I learned that I am NOT, in fact, smarter than a 5th grader. (Have y’all seen that show? Good God, it can do a number on the ole self esteem.)
On a good note, I taught little G how to dust! She does a fabulous job, except she is afraid of spider webs. Really, my house is not the place you want to live if you’re afraid of spider webs. I’ve seen barns with fewer than my foyer. But it was still a good time lounging in the club chair as she did my chores. If you have a 3-year-old, I highly recommend you get your kid involved. I can’t wait until she’s tall enough to reach the washing machine!

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Cookie Hangover

I admit it – I am a weak, weak person with little or no willpower and I have succumbed to the glorious temptation of refined sugar. With apparently no regard to my New Year’s resolution to eat only healthy foods, I find myself not even halfway through the day having already ingested about 1000 empty calories. See, what happened was this: those evil marketing people over at Keebler put the statement “CHOCOLATE in every bite!” (with caps and everything) on the front of their boxes of chocolate chip cookies. Now how is a skeptic like myself supposed to react to something like that? There is only one thing to do, and that is to prove them wrong and then demand back the money I spent on their inferior product.

So far I have eaten over a half dozen cookies and not come across a chocolate-less bite. Surely there is one to be found somewhere in this package, and I will not rest until I find it.
P.S. These are good with coffee.
UPDATE: I concede to the elves over at Keebler. I am now just a crumb-covered slob in the midst of a post-sugar crash. When I regain some energy, I’m going to really hate myself for this.
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