Let’s face it. Hindsight is a bitch. And old pictures just re-enforce the bitchiness. Like, why in the pictures of my 20′s do I look much cuter than I did when my 20′s were actually happening?? Didn’t I know my smile and eyes and waistline would never look the same again? Apparently not. But, oh right, I was drunk. In my defense, so were all of my friends, but never you mind. Because what I want to celebrate today is not my cute youth, but my confident present. (It just proves that God must be a man as we cannot experience both at the same time.)
Anyway, back to present tense. Or a little past, as it were. Whatever. But last weekend, I was on my way to Birmingham when some cute young girl blasted past me in her sports car, with my sorority letters and college sticker pasted on the back windshield. (Side note: I realize this may not be relevant at all schools, but it was at mine. Except for me – my parents sent me to college with my grandma’s old Buick Century, complete with a cloth bench seat. One would never put her letters on that. We have to have some modicum of self-respect, after all. (That’s why we always walked home from the fraternity houses before sun-up; do you think we wanted to look like sluts in front of the whole town???))
So how do you think I liked that child acting as if I were irrelevant? Not very much, as it turns out. So I cranked the wagon up, baby seat and all in the back, to let her know that I was her, and she will be me. At least she hopes. (Maybe.) Cruising up beside her, I bounced to my hippest music – The Commodores – and tried to give her a look that was similar to Kathy Bates’ in “Fried Green Tomatoes” – like , “Face it, I’m older; I drive a wagon; I don’t care who Justin Bieber is.”
I guess I taught that little bitch (who is probably a straight A student who goes to church every Sunday) quite a lesson in life. Hmmmph. Hooray for adult women!
