judgmental people

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So President Obama was on “The View” today. Many called this move “unpresidential”, and I kind of had to agree when I saw him curled up on the couch with the ladies. They looked like a family who all sat on the same side of the restaurant booth. I think this may be what they do with all their guests, but it was really uncomfortable to watch. Take a look:

YIKES. My husband would just die if you put him in that position, with a bunch of women interrupting him every couple of seconds.

Also. [ahem] I hate to be tacky, but as a hard-hitting reporter, it’s my duty to ask the tough questions. So…what the hell is Whoopi wearing? I know she isn’t one for showing a lot of skin, but isn’t this get-up a little over the top for late July? Am I seeing black jeans under the Grim Reaper thing? Come on, it’s the president, for godssake.

I was concentrating on the issues facing our country (“Do you know Lindsay Lohan is in jail?” Joy asked. “Yes”, the President replied.), when everything suddenly flew out of my mind as I spotted THIS:

WHAT IS UP WITH BARBARA WALTERS’ EAR????? Seriously, is that her lobe?? I thought I’d switched to the National Geographic channel there for a second. I know she’s no spring chicken. I am aware that your ears continue to grow your entire life. But seriously. Wear different earrings, Babs. You’re scaring the children.

So, there ya go. You can go out into the world feeling like a responsible citizen, what with all this pertinent political news I’ve provided you. Go ahead and impress your friends around the water cooler.

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How come if some idiot in Mississippi hit a woman, called her a c^nt, and said she deserved to be raped by a pack of n!ggers (in addition to slurs against Mexicans, etc.), he would be called a “bigot”…yet when a celebrity does it, we want to say he is “mentally ill”?

I am eager to see what angle Mel Gibson’s PR machine takes on this one. Surely – Gold help us – they won’t send him to rehab for some disorder that causes his assholeness. Please let’s just call this what it is – an asshole being himself. Can one redeem himself from assholeness? Why, yes, absolutely. But not without honest, soul-searching work on the part of the asshole himself. And, let’s face it, that’s probably not going to happen.

So my proposed plan is that Mel buy himself an island where he may live freely amongst his own. (This could be next to Cheater Island, since some of the residents will inhabit both places.) Who shall we send to Asshole Island? I nominate Lindsay Lohan (too many reasons to list), David Duke (to serve as Expert Asshole), Paris Hilton (I know you aren’t seriously asking me why she needs to go to Asshole Island), Spencer Pratt (if we still know who he is), and Tonya Harding (just for vintage assholeness). What a reality show this could be! Seriously, Mark Cherry, CALL ME!

Who do you nominate for Asshole Island?

P.S. Not to be judgmental or anything…

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Remember Mrs. Kravitz, the nosy neighbor from “Bewitched”? I am beginning to feel like her, what with my spying on the neighbor’s backyard. I know you think I’m exaggerating, so I used my zoom lens to prove the extent of the tree-cutting going on back there.

If the chainsaws weren’t so loud, I’m sure I could hear the trees screaming. I can already tell there isn’t as much oxygen in our neighborhood. It’s like I’m wheezing or something.
My neighbors have always seemed like such nice people; I can’t believe they’ve turned out to be serial killers. I hope they don’t get mad that I called 911 to report them as murderers. I wouldn’t want to cause a scene at the community pool or anything. Also, because everyone knows that it isn’t good enough to only judge others yourself but instead you have to recruit other people to judge alongside you, I took the liberty of putting “Your Neighbors Hate God” flyers in all the neighborhood mailboxes. Hating God might be a bit of a stretch, but I figured the tree-murdering might not be enough to get everyone all riled up whereas hating God would. I mean, we can’t bring these trees back to life, but we’ve got the rest of our lives to treat these people as pariahs. I think I speak for everybody when I say this is the best course of action, don’t you think?

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After wallowing in self pity for a day, I’m feeling much better. Oh, and also, I started my period. This makes me believe the sudden return of what I feared was the Evil Depression was actually just hormones. Oops. But in writing about life in recovery, I’d be less than honest if I said every day was great and I never have my doubts, so that’s why you get the occasional whiney, me-me-me stuff.

On a totally different topic, my neighbors are removing all the trees from their backyard. We’ve had chainsaws roaring around here for two days. It sounds awfully similar to the hum of the vuvuzelas at the World Cup. It’s so loud, I can hardly make out the sobs of a deer family who has just lost its home. I think I hear a few bunny screams as well.

For my part, I have a banner across our house that says, “Displaced Animals Welcome Here!” Also, I’m doing my best to stay positioned on my back deck looking down my nose at the earth-hating neighbors. I don’t know if they’ve noticed me yet. Tomorrow I may scream “Chipmunk Killers!” every time they leave the house (unless that seems un-neighborly.) In their defense, they could be building solar panels or a windmill back there for all I know. It would be unlike me to wait until I have all the facts before passing judgment though, so I think my plan to spray simulated animal blood on their house is still the way to go for now, don’t you?

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The ongoing wars in Afghanistan and Iraq have produced approximately 5500 U.S. casualties since 2001.

There are about 15 children in little G’s preschool class. I love each of those kids and their different personalities. I see the happiness in their little faces when their proud parents pick them up in the afternoons. I would be devastated if anything happened to one of these precious children.

5500 casualties is roughly equal to 370 preschool classes being wiped out. 5500 mothers will never see their children again. We are losing sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, and friends almost every day.

This is not a political post. I am just trying to remind myself that Memorial Day is about more than BBQ and corn on the cob.

Oh, but this part is a little political/religious: To anyone who pickets military funerals with signs that say “God Hates You”, perhaps you should reconsider your faith. Yes, I know you are protected by the First Amendment. I’m just saying a god who hates people doesn’t sound very appealing to me. Just my 2 cents.

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