My fans (both of them) keep asking me about my upcoming high school reunion. (Read earlier updates here and here.) Like, did I ever find anything to wear? No. How am I doing on my to-do list? Surprisingly, I haven’t been able to accomplish a single one of those tasks. Plus, I realized I didn’t include anything about my face, so I actually need to add a half dozen other treatments/surgeries to the list.
It’s enough to make a girl pretty depressed. But then, in what I like to think of as a sign from God, I stumbled across some old pictures. I think His message was, “Hon, look how you looked back then. Do you really think you could possibly look any worse than this?” And I have to hand it to God, He really makes a good point. Let’s take a look.
There are so many things wrong with this picture, I hardly know where to begin. First off, why am I wearing bright yellow? Because I knew I would be the only one in yellow (because most everyone else has the good sense not to wear yellow satin).
What’s up with the hair and make-up? You mean the beehive? I want to say it just looks bad in this picture, but the truth is it looked awful even back then. That’s what I get for having the old ladies down at the local shop do my ‘do. I’m embarrassed to admit that when I found this picture, I found that I’d pressed my lovely yellow babies’ breath (worn in the back of my twist) with it. PURDY!
The make-up was/is awful. We were told to wear heavy stage make-up. I want to strangle whoever told us that, as we all look like hookers in the pictures.
But I thought you said you were scrawny in high school. Yes, I was. At 89 lbs, it would have taken great fashion engineering to make me appear chubby. But with this shiny rouchey thing, I think my dressmaker did it with her hands tied behind her back.
Who is your cute date? HANDS OFF, LADIES. He’s MINE, MINE, MINE!!! [regains composure and realizes it's 20 years later] Oh, he’s no one you’d know.
Stay tuned next week for the Christmas Prom dress. It’s super-fine.
