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I don’t try to be an embarrassment to my family; I really don’t. But sometimes these things can’t be avoided. (Or maybe they can be avoided but I either don’t know how/am too lazy/forget to avoid them.) Anyway, such was the case when I showed up to my nephew’s birthday party with eyebrows not unlike Benecio Del Toro. I know you’re thinking, “AGAIN? Really?” but my eyebrows are sneaky like my bangs and my leg stubble. They’re fine; they’re fine; they’re GOOD GOD WHAT HAS HAPPENED HERE??? And then I’m walking around looking all Armenian (except without the Kardashian body) until I can get an appointment.
In addition to the eyebrow thing, I showed up with naked toes. (Or “nekkid” as we like to say.) Okay, cut it with your gasping and carrying on. Naked was actually much better than the yellow polish I was sporting prior to the party. And please don’t start on me about the yellow. (When did you become so judgmental, anyway?) Little G begged her Mama for yellow toes, and insisted that we match. (Now don’t you feel bad about the judging? I’m practically Mother of the Year.) But obviously I scrubbed that off before seeing my mother, as that would have been too obvious a target and I like to be surprised by what she chooses to criticize*.
On a good note, I didn’t cause a scene by being inappropriate in any way. I did take the precaution of cleaning up the ole bikini line, not because I was wearing a bikini, but because I wore a skirt and you just never know when those things will accidentally tuck into your panties or bunch up around your neck after you’ve fallen down a flight of stairs (or something).
All of this was accomplished without the help of my biggest pep-talker, husband M. He stayed behind, as apparently running a bankrupt business is harder than you’d think. So, yes, I had to drive the entire 2 hour trip there (and back!) by myself, which gave me plenty of time to dwell on his selfishness. I guess some people will always be self-centered, pitiful souls that they are.
I am thinking modified behavior is the best gift I have to give. Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!
*Joking, Mom.
