Speech Thewapy

Having a conversation with a 4-year-old sometimes resembles an elaborate Abbott and Costello routine. Like when we’re at the mall and G says we need to ride the “alligator”, we may go through 20 questions before I discover she’s really just trying to go to the top floor via the elevator.

So today was the first day of soccer practice. I tried to give her the run-down of what it would be like, and then we moved on to talking about something else (most likely mermaids, her main topic of conversation). A few minutes later, she asked me what kind of unicorns I’d been talking about. And any parent to a 3 or 4-year-old girl knows the answer to this question is a “sparkly rainbow unicorn”, so that’s how I answered her.

“NO NO NO NO!!!” she said, and then told me I was really “fwustrating” her.

I then changed my answer to a pink & purple flying unicorn, thinking maybe she was in a mood to switch things up a bit.

“NO NO NO NO!!!” she yelled at me again.

It went on like this for several minutes before I figured out she was talking about the soccer uniform, not a mystical unicorn. (What am I, some kind of mind reader? She was clearly saying “unicorn” the entire time.)

Anyway, all went well at soccer practice, except when she cried because someone took the ball from her and he didn’t even say he was sorry. Also, she hasn’t quite grasped the concept of running and kicking the ball at the same time. She looks like Tim Conway out there shuffling the ball down the field. Good thing they only play on 1/6 of a regular soccer field, or I’m sure I would have fallen asleep before she ever made it to the goal.

G’s team uniform is yellow, but she says she’ll be cheering for the red team because their “unicorns” are much “pwettier.” Thank God the speech therapist is coming tonight. She will have her hands full.