September 2010

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Overanalyzing the Overachiever

September 30, 2010 in Uncategorized | 2 comments

Overachievers are so annoying to the rest of the world, don’t you agree? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I once attempted to be one myself – back when I had a little ambition in me – but it became clear to me that it’s much easier to relax, have a glass (okay, a FEW glassES) of wine, and repeat the same stories over and over than to actually go out and do something with myself. (Which, by the way, is why I now blog – all of the people who know me are sick of my stories, so I’ve had to branch out a bit.)

Anyway, the reason I’m railing against the overachievers today is because I got a message from a girl in my yoga class today. Her daughter, a sophomore at Georgetown, has launched her own socially conscious business. It’s true. It’s called SmartWear. Listen to this: “People typically view attractiveness and intelligence as opposite ends of a spectrum. The Headlines Woman refuses to sacrifice femininity for credibility or vice versa. The inaugural line features headbands (made with eco-friendly flax fibers) and scarves (50% silk, 50% wool). Each product affirms the beliefs of strong women by featuring a ribbon that highlights a powerful quote.”

Um, is this how college sophomores think and talk these days? Because I was more like, “Dude. Beth and I got so wasted at the Sigma Nu house last night we could barely stumble across the stadium lot to make it home. Now let’s go get some wings.” So really, it’s nothing personal I have against the overachievers. It’s more that I have the bothersome habit of comparing my life to others’. Which, really, is never a good thing because I either feel 1)like a big wad of wasted potential, or 2)so unbelievably fortunate that I question if I am deserving. (I know; I’m a little crazy. But you already knew that, so let’s move on.)

Anyway, you really should check out this girl’s blog: http://www.headlinessmartwear.blogspot.com/. You are either going to be really impressed with our youth or you’re getting to get pissed at your own kids for sitting around playing video games all day. Either way, enjoy!

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Stems on Strike

September 26, 2010 in Uncategorized

My body isn’t speaking to me. At least my legs aren’t. For 38 years we’ve had an understanding that we enjoy lying on the couch on the weekends, and the past 2 days I’ve really screwed them over. Our 3-Day team walked together for the first time this weekend, 15 miles on Saturday and another 15 today. It was raining for the last 5 today, but these other girls are some hard-core walking bitches, so I figured it wouldn’t make me very popular if I started crying and whining about my distaste for wet socks (so I just cried on the inside).

After sitting down for a bit now, my legs seem to be on strike or something. I have to slap my thighs a couple of times just to get them to stand up. Obviously, legs can’t talk, but I am getting a distinct “eff you” vibe from them. They seem particularly pissy when I attempt to go up or down the stairs, and take it out on me by shooting pains through my shins and knees. By tomorrow I think I’ll be doing a wounded soldier crawl just to get around the house. I wonder if people in the Target parking lot will stare when I stop, drop, and roll to the nearest Little Rascal.

Only a few short weeks until the 60-mile walk. I need to make peace with the lower half of my body before then. I think I see a massage in my future. Hear that, legs?

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Getting in Gear

September 20, 2010 in Uncategorized | 3 comments

There is good news and bad news about the Susan G. Komen 3-Day Walk for the Cure. The good news is I have reached my fundraising goal of $2300. The bad news is that I will now have to walk in the thing. 6o miles over 3 days!
I know, I know, I’ve had all summer to train. Why am I waiting until the last minute to get ready for this thing? What is wrong with me? (These are obviously rhetorical questions, as we all know I am a procrastinating loafer.)

I’ve done plenty of walks before, but not one nearly as ridiculously long as this one. If I recall correctly, the longest walk I’ve done was 12 miles for the March of Dimes back in the early 80′s, so that’s where I’m pulling my experience and inspiration. In this case, I need to find some comfortable Asahi tennis shoes with Izod laces and matching ESPRIT tee shirt & shorts. Also, I will need to lead the walkers in singing a round of Kenny Rogers’ “The Gambler”. (I hope I still remember all the words.) A few Mellow Yellows and some Pop Rocks will keep me energized enough to make it back to the tent where I can kiss my Ricky Schroeder poster before bed. (Yes, like, TOTALLY!)
Sounds like a plan. What could possibly go wrong?

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For Susan

September 18, 2010 in Uncategorized | 1 comment

I am going to Susan’s memorial service today. Susan had a quiet strength about her, and a smile for anyone who crossed her path. She was a mother and a friend. She was conservative and pretty, and always very well put together, as if she stepped off the pages of a Talbot’s catalogue. She was an alcoholic, but she had several years of sobrieity. She relapsed 2 weeks ago. I guess the pain was too much for her, because Susan took her life last week.
Alcoholism is a bitch of a disease. It kills people. I’ve been told to have a black suit ready if I am to hang out with people with this condition. This is the first time I’ll have to put it on, and I’m sad.
Susan, I will miss your smile. God bless.

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The Search is On

September 15, 2010 in Uncategorized | 5 comments

Are any of y’all looking for a job? I am, and let me tell you what a giant pain in the ass it is.

First you have to reconcile yourself to the fact that you’ve got experience in one area – a career where you can easily make money and get good health benefits – and, although it isn’t your heart’s desire, it is probably the best way to go. So after you are in acceptance mode, then you have to go about compiling a resume and networking with people with whom you haven’t talked in years just to get your foot back in the door. Every once in a while, someone gives you sage advice like, “Think about what you love to do, and then find a way to make money doing it.” This kicks you back into unacceptance mode, until you realize that only independently wealthy people ever speak such nonsense, and then you start over with the reconciliation process again.

The last time I wrote about finding a job, I could hardly speak the word. It wasn’t my Target addiction that did me in as much as my need for health insurance. I won’t go into all the details, but I’ll share some information just in case you find yourself in a similar situation:
IF you ever decide to be treated for substance abuse, and IF you quit your crappy corporate job that made you drink in the first place, and IF you let your COBRA insurance lapse, and IF you look down on your husband’s company’s insurance plan and are convinced you can do better on your own, and then IF you apply for said insurance on your own….you will be denied. By everyone. Substance abuse is a pre-existing condition no one will touch. Of course, this will go away in 2014 when the new healthcare laws will enforce insurance companies to accept people with pre-existing conditions. But what till then?

Hence, the need for a job. One near my home with flexible hours and casual dress, please. Or at least one that isn’t in a highrise downtown and requires me to wear pantyhose. That is my one absolute criteria – NO PANTYHOSE. I really think that should be listed under “Job Requirements” on job postings so I don’t waste my time applying for pantyhose positions. I would sooner mow lawns (no, I don’t know how to mow a lawn, but I could learn) than wear pantyhose. (As a side note, I used to date someone who hated the word “panties”, so I was never allowed to say “pantyhose”, only “hose”. That is why I revel in saying “PANTYHOSE” as many times I like in this post. PANTYHOSEPANTYHOSEPANTYHOSE.)

With my professionalism and maturity level, this should be a snap. Heh.

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