The greatest words ever spoken were heard at my house last week. “I’m taking the girl to visit my parents this weekend,” Husband M said, in what I consider to be his 3rd most romantic statement ever. The passion was too great to describe in detail here, but I’m thinking I flew into his arms and then made him some microwave bacon, a nuance only his soul mate would throw into the mix.
I remained happy for another day, picturing all the things I would do and accomplish and be hailed for in the days they would be gone, until I crashed and burned when they left.
I forgave myself for the first day of my depression. My family just left me, for godssake. I deserved to lay in the dark and contemplate death. The next day, I instituted the Naked Policy (which is actually pronounced the “Nekkid Policy”), meaning I would rejoice in not having to put on clothes when no one is at my house. I cleared my TiVo selections and even watched a movie. I finished that scandalous Oprah book and also read another about this Washington pundit Martin Eisenstadt, until I realized halfway through that this was actually a political satire, and what I thought was inside politics was actually a bunch of BS. (Perhaps I should have Googled him – or at least have read the back cover – before committing my nakey time to chapters of drunken political rollicking which I am sure to get mixed up in the future with the actual true* accounts I’ve read.)
I awoke on the 3rd day a new woman. I TOOK A SHOWER (I put that in big letters as it was a MAJOR ACCOMPLISHMENT) and took myself to lunch (M left me Longhorn** gift cards so I wouldn’t starve while he was gone.) Then I went for a haircut. It turned out my lady was 2 appointments behind, and she was apologizing all over the place, so I got a facial instead and rescheduled my cut (okay, yes, and color) for Tues. Thank God it was a really good facial, or that right there could have sent me over the edge.
Okay, so here’s the thing. I was finally adjusting to the “me-on-my-own-nakey-and-ordering-takeout” thing when M called from the road today and said they are halfway home. MY GIRL!!!!!!!!!!! MY HUSBAND!!!!!!!!!!!! My heart is pounding just waiting for them to arrive.
* I know there are no actual true accounts of D.C. politics.
** Don’t you judge me for eating at Longhorn. If you have one near you and snub your nose at it, I pity you. I really do.
