People have a habit of calling me “high maintenance”, and I’m being to think that may not be a compliment. So I feel the need to set the record straight. Rather than pleading with my public to change popular opinion, I will simply present the evidence. (Unless low maintenance people don’t have a public, then scratch that last part.)
1. I do my own nails. Mostly. I can’t stand to make small talk – especially when I can’t understand someone with an accent – so I’d rather do it myself.
2. I am too lazy to accessorize. I have worn the same necklace since 2004, and never take it off. Same for my watch, except I’ve worn it since 1998 or 1999 – it has enough soap build-up on it to bathe myself should I ever run low. I do wear earrings, but nothing crazy since they have to go with the necklace and watch. Also, I have a pretty nice ring, but I would have said yes to a pop top. My husband has never bought me a piece of jewelry, and I’m fine with that. I have enough. Really.
3. I sleep on Egyptian cotton sheets, but they could be any kind (as long as they’re at least 400 thread count).
4. I’ve never cried over a bad haircut. I just don’t care that much. (although I have cried over a bad spray tan, but that was only because it looked like I had poop running down the inside of my legs)
5. I don’t wear fragrance (but I’m not earthy – I do wear deodorant).
6. I’m not a label girl. I can be, but I’m just as happy wearing something from Target if I like it.
7. I only wear heels on the most special of occasions, and you couldn’t get me into a pair of pantyhose for anything in the world. I refuse to wear anything that I have to pull up, jerk down, suck in, or limp in.
8. I am a wine lover but I never drank expensive wine. I always figured I had enough expensive tastes, so why try to educate my palette when it would only make me a more expensive date?
9. I have never been the jealous type. I once had to drag a husband out of a strip club by his ear, but it wasn’t out of jealousy; it was because he was an hour late for our date and I had to go find him.
10. If you ask me to go somewhere, I can be ready in 15 minutes, shower & all. Unless you want me to look good – that would take longer.
Now that I’m thinking about it, I could be the lowest maintenance girl you know. What say ye, my public?
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I say that you are delusional !!(in the nicest sort of way, of course)
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EXCUSE ME, but you’re talking to the woman who lived in a Katrina tent for a month, unloading truckloads of supplies and cleaning muck out of people’s homes!!!
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Also, someone commented offline that a person who wanders the grocery store wearing anywhere from 3-5 carats of diamonds is not low maintenance. My answer to that is: Do you want me to go around looking unmarried?? That would surely cause mania down at the Kroger, what with all those men pushing & shoving to get to me. So I wear diamonds simply as a service to the community.
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I seem to remember tears over one haircut but you know my memory’s not that great. Maybe it was another friend that got a haircut at a SuperCuts in the Cordova Mall in Pensacola and ended up looking kind like Debbie Gibson when she wore her bangs all combed down around her face. And then maybe I have a picture of that same friend (that wasn’t you) wearing a blue suede jacket and holding a stolen pumpkin but again, like I said, memory’s not what it used to be. But one bad haircut doesn’t make you high maintenance, it really doesn’t.
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Damn you, Nacho. You seem to recall every time I did something foolish. Of course I do the same for you, but I made the mistake of giving you the photographic proof of that which should not be spoken.
To my public: Okay, fine. I cried over my ridiculous Debbie Gibson cut WHEN I WAS 17. But I don’t think that should count, since I was a mere child.
Also, I don’t know why I took the neighbor’s pumpkin. To the person who lived in the apartment next door to my brother at Auburn University circa 1989 – I’m really sorry. I will buy you a new pumpkin if I ever figure out who you are.
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